Pony Of Prey Blog

Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 28, 2003

How do I help a former friend let go of a friendship that’s not working for me?

This woman, I’ll call her “Anne,” is a life coach. We met last year and hit it off as friends. The problem for me is the vast majority of our conversation centered around Anne and her situation, particularly as it related to men. On and on these conversations would go about this guy or that. My honest feedback was not well received.

Prior to getting fed up with the lack of balance in our friendship, I invited her to speak at a conference I organized. The event took place last month, and Anne was just okay as a speaker. Reviews were mixed, but it was done.

Last night Anne left a message indicating she wanted me to be a referral for a potential client. I feel bad about recommending someone I no longer believe to be effective. How do I get off her calling list without being unkind?

Laurel

Laurel, in this situation truthfulness is more important than politeness. Politeness will get you more of what you don’t want more of.

Anne doesn’t take criticism, or the truth, well. She makes a good first impression, but she does not have the understanding she is trying to sell to others. Giving Anne what she wants makes you a co-conspirator with her, and that is an incongruity you cannot live with.

Just as your life must proceed from honesty, so must Anne’s. Tell Anne reviews of her performance don’t allow you to make a recommendation. If she takes offense, she is taking offense to the truth.

Tamara

Beating A Dead Horse

I am American and my husband British. We met while he lived and worked for two years in the US. When we became engaged, we discussed where we wanted to settle and that place is America. We both feel strongly about this.

We did, however, decide to move to the UK for two years for him to finish a few things and get his US green card. That is much easier to do abroad than at home, and we told his parents we would only be in the UK a short time.

My mother-in-law is a person who uses mind games to get her way. She has directly insulted America to me claiming everything from American greed to gun problems. She whines that her grandchildren will not be close to her, and she has even hung up the phone on my husband. She is a right brat!

I know it must be hard for her, and I understand, I really do. But we can’t always live around the corner, and I am starting to get angry. My husband told his family they are welcome to come stay with us for a month or longer at a time, but my mother-in-law said, “I don’t like to fly, and I don’t think I’ll like Texas!”

My husband knows his mother is a difficult woman, but he hates conflict and wants to keep the peace. My mom says keeping my cool is the best thing to do.

Kay

Kay, before you insult the royal family or British cuisine, remember your mom’s advice and keep your cool. Don’t argue with your mother-in-law. By the very act of arguing you are giving substance to her wishes. Arguing as if it is unsettled may make it unsettled.

When you give in to a difficult person, they don’t become more reasonable, they become more difficult. They think they are entitled to win all the time. Once you have moved, your mother-in-law can visit you, and if you can afford it, you can visit her.

Maybe she’ll even like Texas. Or maybe she will love to hate Texas. But either way your mother-in-law’s behavior sounds like a better argument for emigrating than for living around the corner.

Wayne

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

New dreams are much like unplanted saplings. Alive with the potential for magnificent growth, their roots wait for nourishment. Too often, however, their tiny buds dry up and die before we give their roots a chance to touch the soil.

We admire dreams in our minds, photograph them with our hearts, and fail to nourish them with the first requirement of all dreams realized. That is, we must get them out and into the soil of our daily lives; we must plant with the expectation for growth.

Like a tiny oak, a great dream will often have the potential to grow and thrive long past our own life
spans. Yet, it needs more than our admiration and good intentions; it needs our hearts to cherish it and our hands to get it growing.

When a storm breaks a branch, a dream will need our continued love, care, and commitment to keep it growing and thriving. Do we simply rip off the torn branches of a cherished dream? Even worse, do we pull a dream from the soil, leaving it to die? Do we continue to damage our own resiliency because, by habit, we run away each time a certain type of problem appears?

No, not if we are authentic. We might rest, but we will eventually return to our truest dreams, knowing we will be welcomed. We will realize that there will always be winds to strengthen us; there will always be hurts to teach us healing and forgiveness.

We learn that if we are to finally move forward, we must begin to understand storms as well as our own
mistakes. Like oaks sprouting new leaves, we are all in the process of creation and growth. It is a law of life and an unavoidable life lesson.

A sapling will be strengthened by winds, and it will grow to its fullest potential; yet, as people, we must
choose to grow. As English novelist, George Eliot, wrote, “The strongest principle of growth lies in the human choice.”

In storms, we can find blessings that we would not think to search for on sunny days. We can nurture torn limbs and grow new limbs when some are lost. We can continue to provide the love and care necessary for our dreams to grow–as long as we keep the roots in the soil.

In so doing, we, as well as our dreams, can grow as tall as our potential allows, reaching as high as our
Creator intended for us to reach, bringing the legacy of our gifts to future generations.

Wishing you blessings and success,

Steve Brunkhorst

© Copyright 2006 by Steve Brunkhorst. This article was adapted from A Handwritten Journal of Love. All rights reserved worldwide. Reprinted from Achieve! 60-Second Nuggets of Inspiration. Find many helpful achievement resources by visiting http://www.AchieveEzine.com

Have you ever sat down to watch the evening news and flashes a News Report about a woman that died with 100 cats, house full of trash and stacks of newspapers to fill 100 dump trucks? In my single days, I use to live by a lady like this. The entire neighborhood would talk about her but none of us ever went over there to see if she needed anything or if I could help her clean her house. We just talked about how could she let her house go that way.

Well now it is 7 years down the road, I am a mother of three. My children are 4, 2 , and 1 and I am starting to have a little sympathy for people who are on the news. I feel for the old lady that lived by me when I was younger.I wonder now if maybe the headlines should read ” Mother who raised 10 Children died today with 100 cats”.

Yes, I am fighting not to become her. I have learned that when you become pregnant, your shower gift should no longer be a car seat, toys, or high chairs. Everyone in the family should chip in and buy you two washer machines and dryers. Yes, my laundry room has became into a huge obstacle course of clothes for a family of five, toys that the children drag in there, Detergent powder on the floor at times because the kids are “helping me” with my laundry. You walk into my kitchen. I have dishes in the sink that I promise I am going to wash in the next five minutes but I know the phone will ring or one of the kids will make a bigger mess that I will have to attend to. My dining room table is no longer for dining. No, I cant remember the last meal served on there.I have turned it into my office.

It has my bills piled up and the kids paints, colors and the Windex that I pulled out yesterday to clean the windows but as you can guess. It never happened. So am I walked through the house one more night of putting the kids to sleep and saying to myself,” This is what happens. I have promised to clean today. I have promised to get at least 20 things on my to-do list but it has not happened.” I think to myself. This is where it starts. This is how this woman ended with the 100 cats, house full of newspapers. I bet you she was a mother. Is my life as a mother driving me insane? I don’t really think so but I do believe at times I have gotten lost in my role as a mom.

Yes, I have tried to be Super Mom, Wonder Woman, Energizer Mommy but the truth is I am not any of these. I am just a woman taking care of my family. It seems that when we become wives and mothers, Our identity becomes taking care of our husbands, our children , our house, the bills. Please don’t get me wrong, I love every minute of what God has given me. I just find that as a mother, I am taking care of so many things and taking care of my children that I have not taken care of me. What mother isn’t guilty of this. As a mom, I am realizing that When I am the Energizer Mom, It is not necessarily healthy for me or my family.

I am learning to realize that my happiness can not come from filling my schedule with kids, work, house duties. I have to take care of myself. I am learning that is is important for my family to have a mom in their life that is energized and happy with herself. I am also learning to admit that even though I love my children some days I need a break from them. I am learning that I need space just as they need their space. Even though we are mothers, We still need to be an individual.

I am finding the best way I am finding myself again is helping others but in a different way as the role I was playing as a mom. I am reminding myself the importance of high self esteem as I teach my children to love themselves. I have changed some of the music that was played in the car to cheerful music. I have put the People Magazine down and am reading inspirational books. I am learning not to feel guilty when I did not get to the work I wanted to today. This week I sat down and wrote a few of my friends letters. No not email, a true letter. I am also exercising again. I may have three little ones right behind me touching their toes but this new life style is making me a better person.

I may not be the Super Mom, Wonder Woman and The Energizer Mommy, but I know I have to continue to stay focused to take care of me Spiritually and Personally to be the mommy that my family needs. I also know that if I do these things, when I die I wont be the Old woman with 100 Cats, newspapers and all alone. I will be the woman that stayed focused, connected as a mother, wife but most importantly as an individual!

Michaele McMillan is a Work at Home Mom. She has a supportive husband and three wonderful children. She owns Auction Village USA (http://www.auctionvillageusa.com) and The Perfect Image (http://www.thperfectimage.us). You can contect her by her websites.

(Chinese Solar Year : 04.02.2006 to 03.02.2007)

Flying Stars or Fei Xing is a powerful form of Feng Shui derived from the famous Xuan Kong Fengshui. It is an Analysis of the Five Elements and Star Combinations (representing certain energy patterns) that occupy every building. Each new year these annual stars change, Qi (energy) shifts happen, bringing good and bad energy with them - thereby producing different effects.

In February 2004 all the Feng Shui Energy Patterns underwent huge transformations to the NewAge of Land Luck called Period 8 Energy Cycles. It means that a large scale evolution of the human race with completely new energy dynamics has started. The significance is that the new, vibrant energies of Period 8 impacts on the buildings differently than before and energies that were previously activated now need to be remedied, in order to reduce any bad effects from the past influences.

The Flying Stars Chart or the 9-Grid Meteor Plan for the Bing-Xu, Year of the Yang Red Fire Dog has been plotted and the effects of their energy patterns are analyzed. The analysis also contains suggested remedies/cures for reducing the impact of negative energy and recommended enhancers for increasing and improving upon the beneficial energy.

For the remedies/enhancers to be effective, they should be cleansed, energised, blessed and programmed not only for the particular individual/family but also for the specific purpose/problem. They should also be placed in the indicated location.

The direction in which your main door lies is very important to any form of Geomancy, including Fengshui & Vaastu. The primary reason for this is that the air currents and energy flow in and flow out through the mouth of the main door. Thus you receive positive energy for the year, if the main door faces a direction of auspicious stars or meteors (powerful energy bodies) and receive negative energy for the year, if the main door faces a direction of evil stars or meteors. In case negative impacts are forecast, you can simply offset the negative energy by installing the recommended remedies there. Any or all of these remedies can be reused for the coming years, the only thing is that they should be repositioned according to the new year.

Please note that the effects may be felt in varying degrees depending upon the exact compass degree of the main door.

ANNUAL FORECAST & REMEDIES FOR FLATS/HOMES/OFFICES/FACTORIES WITH MAIN DOOR FACING EAST :

An excellent year that brings you fame and fortune. Your negotiation skills are in their peak. Employees get to have more power, promotions and increments. Patronage of superiors is assured. Businessmen get growth in the form of expansions. It is a lucky year to embark on a new venture too. Your regular customers will bring in more new clients. Frequent travels and overseas posting/business are possible.

Students and those appearing for professional/competitive exams will do good. Sportsmen will perform well. Travelling opportunities will be plenty. If you are in marketing line, show business, tourism; or a lawyer or running a flower shop or nursery, you will flourish more. Money luck and prosperity will be in plenty. Events to celebrate, like marraige, could happen. Place a Fengshui Water Fountain near your entrance to enhance the qi still further. There could be some interpersonal relationship problems among your family members. Growing a potted water plant near your main door will offset it to a certain extent. Excellent love luck in the air. Singles will get ideal partners. Married couple should be wary of love triangles or third party intrusions. Use a brown door mat for the bedroom door, to dissipate extra love luck.

Display the “Safety Talisman for 2006″ in the North West sector and carry a miniature version of it always.

Door Mat Colour for the Main Door : Green (on the inside, for love luck, if you need it) and Earth Brown (on the outside).

COMMON MINIMUM REMEDY FOR ALL BUILDINGS FOR 2006 :

To minimise damage due to gossiping and rumours, arguments and disputes, avoid the colours green and blue in the center of your home. Do not place any moving water features like fish aquarium or water fountains here. Display 8 red roses without thorns and leaves in the center of your home/office/building and light up a small red coloured bulb which will burn continuously, 24/7. This is applicable for all buildings, irrespective of the direction of the main doors.

This is copyrighted work. Permission is granted to republish (both in electronic media as well as print media) the article in it’s entirety only, including the full bio of the author and his links. All links should be “clickable” hyperlinks. An acknowledgement mail from Republishers will be appreciated.

The Author of this article Sri Janarrdhana Guptha is an Energy Consultant, Vaastu & Fengshui Researcher, Crystal Master and a Clairvoyant Karma Reader. His speciality is in permanent, life-time Remedial Solutions, especially Crystal Energy Fields. His wife Srimathi Kalpana Guptha is also a Psychic Reader. The Energy Couple can be reached through crystalvaastu@yahoo.com
or either of their websites:
http://www.newage-kabbalah-numerology.com or
http://www.crystal-vaastu.com/home.htm.

Janarrdhana Guptha has authored the book titled “Guide to Fengshui Good Luck Symbols”. He writes regularly in leading English & Tamil Magazines from India. More of his articles can be read at his blog : http://www.spaces.msn.com/members/crystal-vaastu/.

In many ways, you probably know how to live a simple life, but do you want to? Many want the complexity and constant drama of their lives. This is something we each have to look at honestly. However, some of us really want simplicity, and some would want it if they knew what it felt like to live more simply and at peace. Here are a few ways to get there.

Just Say No … Or Say Yes

An important secret to how to live a simple life is to learn to look honestly at how life gets complicated. This may be different for each of us, but there are some common habits we share. One such habit is taking on new responsibilities without fully acknowledging the costs and complexities they add to our lives.

When a man buys a boat, for example, does he usually think about the time he will spend maintaining it and cleaning it? Does he think about the trip to the insurance office for insurance, the necessity to shop for accessories like life-jackets and fire extinguishers? Does he remind himself that boats break down, and he’ll have to deal with hauling it someplace to have it repaired? Does he consider the trailer-hitch he’ll need, the tarp to cover the boat, the tarp to replace that one when it tears, the bearings in the trailer wheels that will someday fail. Finally, Does he think about the hours he will be committed to working to pay for all this fun?

It isn’t about the boat, by the way. There’s nothing wrong with owning a boat. With nothing else was going on in his life, all of the above could easily be a part of “the simple life.” Hwever, when we don’t honestly recognize the role of our own choices in adding complexity to our lives, we take on more than we can possibly handle. As a result, a million exercise devices sit unused in basements while ten million hours are spent working to pay for them. Look honestly at all the costs, and make well-informed choices - this is the first secret of how to live a simple life.

Money Brings Simplicity - Or Complexity

Isn’t it simple for a rich man to own a boat? He can just pay someone to take care of it while he plays with his kids. Money can bring simplicity to your life, but it’s all in how you use it. This is the second important secret of how to live a simple life.

People use money in ways that overly complicate life, as when they put a down payment on a hot tub that they really don’t need. Then they have to work to pay the interest, they have to clean the tub, find a place for it, and have it repaired. Of course, if you are wealthy enough, someone will take care of these things for you. However, if you make $8 per hour, a hot tub will almost certainly overly complicate your life.

If you really want the simple life, the choice then is to make more money, or live a life that is simply supported by your current income. After I paid off the mortgage loan on my first home, and got rid of the car, life became simpler and more relaxing. As I make more money, I can easily add more “things” back into my life, while keeping it simple, as long as I maintain the balance.

Drama Adds Complexity

For a simpler life, have fewer friends. This may sound harsh, but how many friends do you need? Don’t get rid of true friends, but don’t add people to your life unless there is a real exchange of value between you. We all have acquaintances we call “friends” and yet only tolerate just to “be nice.” Do you think it is selfish to say you don’t owe anything to these people? Then how selfish is it for them to say you do?

With friends and family, don’t get involved in the drama more than you need to. Watch closely, and you’ll see that until a person is ready to change, you rarely can help them in any case, neither with words nor with money. Save your efforts for when you truly can help. You weren’t born with an obligation to anyone, and it’s incredibly selfish for anyone to make such claims on your life. Let the drama swirl around you, but don’t get involved in it. This is a crucial lesson on how to live a simple life.

Steve Gillman has been exploring new ideas for decades. Visit his site for invention ideas, business ideas, story ideas, political and economic theories, deep thoughts, and more. Get a free gift too: New Ideas (http://www.999ideas.com)

More than 500 scientific studies about transcendental meditation were carried out in the last 25 years at more than 200 independent universities and research institutions. The results show that the program of transcendental meditation has beneficial effects in all areas of life, private and professional. The research has been published for example in ‘Science’, ‘The American Journal of Physiology’, ‘Scientific American’ and many more. They all show that the quality of life of those practicing TM is far better than in those who don’t practice it.

Transcendental meditation was taught for the first time in the West about fifty years ago by the physician and philosopher Maharishi Mahesh Yogi. It soon became very popular around the world because of its many positive effects. This particular meditation technique is independent of local values, religions, faiths and political convictions.

It is basically a relaxation technique for the mind which can be learned easily. It consists of practice sessions, twice daily for about 10 to 20 minutes, where the person meditating sits comfortably and with closed eyes. Mediation is usually associated with the lotus position, which is extremely painful for the beginner. Here, a comfortable chair, a cushion, anything that provides a physical position where bones don’t hurt is good enough.

People who practice transcendental meditation report deep relaxation, greater spiritual clarity, more creativity and far better stress management in difficult life situations. And they report better health.

Transcendental meditation is probably the meditation technique that has been best investigated and documented scientifically. Many scientific publications have dealt with the subject and have proven its inherent value not only for those who practice it but for business as well. Let’s look at General Motors, for example.

The biggest car manufacturing company in the U.S. offers all its employees courses in transcendental meditation paid for by the company. Triggering this program was the realisation that stress on the job costs American companies 200 billion dollars annually. It has been identified as the main factor for the deteriorating health of employees and the decrease in productivity.

In the last 25 years many studies carried out in companies like GM showed that transcendental meditation programs bring with them a lot of advantages for companies and their employees. A study with 125 General Motors employees showed that their practicing of TM brought about a significant improvement in their health, productivity and morale.

In another area, the US government pays Vietnam veterans the enrollment fees for courses in transcendental meditation, as long as their physicians prescribe it. This policy of providing this kind of meditation training for the veterans was initiated when studies showed that people suffering from post-traumatic stress syndrome experienced a considerable reduction in their symptoms when practicing TM.

In California, US, the bar association recognizes courses that lawyers take in TM as having curriculum value. Here as well the background for this change of attitude is the recognition that attorneys work better and more effectively when they have the possibility to liberate themselves from the stress courtrooms and trials bring with them. The regular attendance of legal training courses is obligatory in California and is being monitored through a point system. For the attendance of a basic course in TM attorneys get assigned x number of points that count toward their curriculum.

The holder of the world record in remembering numbers in the Guinness book of records considers transcendental meditation as a very effective relaxation technique. Mr. Tomoyori achieved his record in 1990, at the age of 58, by remembering the number Pi - which is 3.14, ad infinitum. He remembered 40,000 values after the point. He says: ” I learned TM because I wanted to learn how to relax better and to maintain my power of concentration. Because it takes 17 hours to say this number by heart I need a certain relaxation while at the same time I must be able to concentrate. TM is great because it’s so simple and it provides effective relaxation. It helps in strengthening my powers of concentration while at the same time helping me to sleep deeply.

Michael Russell Your Independent guide to Meditation