Pony Of Prey Blog

Copyright The Quipping Queen 2005.

IT’S NUTTY NOVEMBER!

Or, in other words, “National Nudnik Month”!

Compiled by Lady Beatrice Blitterlees and edited by Lord Earl
Craboon

November is the 11th month of the calendar year, so what else is
new?

Well for one thing this month features a good many things for
knuckleheads, ninny-hammers, and nudniks to engage in since
their attention spans are usually shorter than the bat of an eye
or a flash in the pan.

They can all take heart from the fact that this month is full of
merry-making for morose mavens and munchkins…after all it’s
only one month away from the biggest gift-giving gala of the
year!

So without further adieu, here’s what’s in store for you to do
to celebrate odd occasions and weird events this month.

November 1 - National Who’s Been Eating My Porridge Day
(For Goldilocks and the three bear types who can’t get their
fill of cream of wheat, oatmeal or bran man!)

November 2 - Are you sure that’s the Road to San Jose
Day? (In honor of all those who despise analogue devices
such as maps, and would rather use their handy-dandy new digital
high-flying GPS gizmo that fits in your pocket, talks, and comes
in 45 colors!)

November 3 - National Grin & Bare It Day (Everyone needs
a lack practice in the art of stoicism and steadfastness
…after all “suck it up” is better than “spit it out”!)

November 4 - Scorpio Awareness Day (Time to spot those
fixed water signs who rule the world of magical matters like
taboos and voodoo…you know the intractable, inscrutable,
impenetrable secretive souls who have things good things going
for them… they have magnetic personalities, are unshockable,
and understand failure…yee haw!)

November 5 - Guy Fawkes Day (The second time this year
you can officially light firecrackers under the seat of any
nosey nemesis or naughty nudnik naturally).

November 6 - One Toy That Should Never Have Been Invented
Day (Okay now it’s time to figure out what tawdry toy you’ve
encountered sometime during your stay on planet earth should
quite frankly never have seen the light of day).

November 7 - Worst Workplace Décor Day (Time to nominate
someone for this prestigious award in your office - prize a
weekend pass to the nearest petting zoo for some pointers from a
bunch of beasts that probably couldn’t care less!)

November 8 - National Tom Thumb Day (So if you were six
inches tall for a day, exactly what would you do besides
twiddling your thumbs for twenty-four hours?)

November 9 - National Animal Crackers Day (A pleasant
alternative to “Girl Guide Cookies” …but everyone must also
share the name of the animal with whom they would share the rest
of their life with if that’s the way the cookie crumbled!)

November 10 - National Ho-Hum Body Part Day (For those
who haven’t a clue what biology’s all about but can tell you all
about the least erotic part of the human body!)

November 11 - Thirteenth Month of the Year Day
(Time-starved individuals should use their imagination to come
up with a name for the thirteenth month, not to mention where
it’s supposed to be inserted in the present calendar if you
please!)

November 12 - National Pick Your Favorite Movie Prop Day
(Is it the Wizard of Oz’s wig, a seagull from “The Birds”, a
shower-stall from an Anthony Perkins thriller?)

November 13 - Gift of Magic Day (Okay you’ve got the
gorgeous-looking genie in a bottle…and he/she pops out and
grants you three wishes…what are they and why?)

November 14 - Nicest Compliment You’ve Ever Received Day
(It’s one of those rare occasions, but check your memory bank
and figure out the nicest compliment you’ve ever received in
your entire life…that you don’t mind sharing with the rest of
humanity).

November 15 - License Plate Appreciation Day (The
government has just informed you that you could have your
license plate say anything at all…what would it be?)

November 16 - Rename Your Family Day (To meet the growing
demand folks who want a new lease on life…it’s now time to
rename each family member…good luck!)

November 17 - Dig That Derriere Day (Forget the
botox…if a fairy godmother dropped by and told you that you
could have anyone else’s gluteus maximus, posh posterior or
tight buns…just who would you choose?)

November 18 - National Lazybones Awareness Day (Okay it’s
payback time for the laziest person you know…if you could pick
one thing that this person would have to do for the rest of
their life - who would it be and what would this individual have
to do?)

November 19 - Three Least Favorite Words Day (This will
definitely appeal to blabbers, blatherskites, and motor-mouths
who will never be short on words!)

November 20 - Goosebump Awareness Day (So pray tell, what
gives you Goosebumps? …and how come no one ever has Goosebumps
on the face?)

November 21 - Computer Modification Day (The folks who
manufacture the best thing since sliced bread come to ask you
what one thing you’d like to see changed on your computer…what
might it be … now think hard all you dweebs and dingbats!)

November 22 - Hardest Position to Play in Sports Day (For
all the sports jocks, couch potatoes, and sideline
critics…what would you say is the most difficult one, c’mon…)

November 22 - Nifty New Appliance Day (Advertisers are
having a field day with a brand new appliance…what’s it called
and exactly what will it do to make life easier?)

November 23 - National Jockstrap Collectible Day (Your
favorite sports league has just announced a new fantasy prize
for an upcoming contest…the jockstrap of your favorite fantasy
player…hmmm…who might that be and in what sport?)

November 24 - Murfle Appreciation Day (Time to see who
has the most freckles among your family, friends, and faithful
colleagues at work).

November 25 - National Jeepers Creepers Day (What’s the
biggest surprise you’ve ever had in your life? …Sponsored by
the “Holy Cow Cooperative” & “The Holy Smoke Alliance of Spirits
and Other Figments of Your Imagination”)

November 26 - Look Before You Leap Day (In honor of all
those who took a flying leap from the frying pan into the fire
…just to get a taste of “S’mores”!)

November 27 - National Hold Your Horses Day (Celebrates
all those faithful plodders who are always chomping at the bit,
but never quite make it out of the stall to win a race)

November 28 - National Slam-Dunk Contest Day (Time to try
out your waste-paper basket skills - there are no prizes just
the title “The Hottest Damn Slam-Dunker”!)

November 29 - World Finger Snapping Day (In honor of fuss
budgets and slow restaurant food service …now you get to
practice it all day long!!!)

November 30 - Tickle Me Pink Day (A social networking day
of course!)

ALL I WANT FROM ‘SANTY’ IS MY SANITY
Rev. James L. Snyder

Christmas is the one time of the year when it is okay to be traditional. That may be the reason why so many people look forward to the Christmas holidays.

The rest of the year most people are under the pressure to be “non-traditional,” whatever that may mean. Today it is not politically correct to be traditional and if you are, you run the risk of being out of favor with the rest of society.

Christmas, however, is a different time altogether for everyone. July may be a good month to be non-traditional, but not December. There is a time to be non-traditional and then there is a time to regain your senses and enjoy the amenities of good, old-fashioned, traditionalism.

No matter how far away the young folks wander, Christmas draws them back to traditionalism like a magnet. (It might have something to do with pumpkin pie.)

One of the wonderful things about this time of the year is the many family traditions enjoyed and endured by families all around the world. In the parsonage, we have honored some great traditions through the years.

Each year, while the gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and our little brood decorated the Christmas tree, I busied myself in the kitchen making my special eggnog.

What was so special, was that each year it was different. I could not remember from one year to the other just how I made it. Usually it turned out all right, except for the year I forgot to put in the eggs.

Another tradition in the parsonage was the Christmas wish list for good ole Santy.

One of the practical reasons for this was to prevent my children from getting me a fluorescent orange necktie with a pink hoola-dancer on it. As a minister, there are precious few places to wear such neckwear.

The children of the parsonage are grown, with children of their own now, and the “wish list” has gone the way of all good things.

It is the one tradition I miss,and I wish it could be revived. If I could revive the “wish list,” there is one thing that would lead my list. All I want from dear ole Santy this year is my sanity.

The fact that I have lost my sanity, or at least, misplaced it, is quite curious. The curious thing about it is that I do not remember just when it was that I lost it.

Have you ever looked for something only to discover that you could not find it and could not remember just when you saw it last? If I could only remember when I last used my sanity, it might serve as a clue as to where it is right now.

It is not that it has been a major lost in my life, but there have been a few times when I could have used it.

For one, I could have used my sanity when I got married. Looking back, it seems that at the time, my sanity was somewhere, but not where I could use it readily.

My girlfriend (now the Mistress of the Parsonage) flashed her beautiful eyes at me and whispered, “Let’s get married.”

Being the gentleman that I am, I found it hard to resist the wishes of a beautiful lady. That wasn’t the worst part.

While in that romantic mood she said, as if to strengthen her argument (and she got no argument from me), “After all, two can live cheaper than one.”

I also could have used my sanity in several church situations. Once a church committee was interviewing me for the illustrious position of being their pastor. One of the members of the committee remarked, “And you will find, Brother Snyder, that this church really loves its pastor.”

Had sanity been by my side then, I might have seen the napkins around each neck and the knife and fork in each hand.

As soon as I said yes and moved in, the people commenced to eat me alive. (What communion wine goes with roasted pastor?)

To be fair about this matter, there have also been times when sanity would just have gotten in the way. Sanity would have caused me to take myself too seriously. That, of course, is a big mistake.

Nobody, especially a minister, should ever take himself or herself too seriously. For example, I know that I am not as good as some of the people in the congregation think I am, and I am not as bad as others say.

Several years back, in another congregation, an el-derly couple attended the church services. He developed Alzheimer’s and could not come to church. She, however, was most faithful in attending. As a ministry of the church, we prepared tapes of the Sunday services, and she always took one home for her husband.

One Sunday, as she was leaving the church, she warmly shook my hand and with tears in her eyes whispered to me, “Oh, brother Snyder, you will never know how much your sermons mean to my husband since he lost his mind.”

I was so thankful sanity was not by my side then. Other incidents through the years have only underscored my point. I have had many guest ministers in my pulpit throughout the years. The absence of any sense of sanity has kept me in good stead here.

Following a service with a guest speaker, invariably someone will say to the guest as they leave the church, “We sure haven’t heard preaching like that for a long time. Please come back soon.”

As I think about this, and add up the pros and cons, I am not sure exactly what that means.

With the stress of days like these, there is one verse from the Bible that comforts me in all this: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3 KJV.)

If Santy does not bring my sanity this year, it will not be a major calamity.

About the Author

Rev. James L. Snyder is an award winning author and popular columnist living in Ocala, FL with his wife Martha.

Sensational cover up exposed, original Teddy Boys
were really bears all the time.

Thanks to this exclusive Stiffsteiffs exposé,
Teddy Boys make their comeback.

Everyone thinks rock and roll kicked off Teddy Boys,
but the very name should give you a clue.

This pair, Phil and Don, are tough Teddy Boys.
They have teddy tattoos, and they are the ORIGINAL
Teddy Boys, not the later imitations.

Johnny Cash, the original bear, never goes anywhere without
his trusty guitar. He stands no messing about.

The one and only original Jerry Lee, of course a
Teddy Bear Teddy Boy, this original picture proves
it beyond any doubt.

The original Elvis. Elvis Bear.
These suppressed pictures finally expose
one of the greatest cover ups in history.

The original Dolly. Nothing like the hillbilly
later imitation thrust at an unsuspecting public.

The real Adam Faith above, although discovered
near bow bells, hes nothing like what they would
have had you believe.

The real Little Richard, a quiet shy bear often
sitting alone when not freaking out on stage,
yet they would have you believe he was not really
a bear at all. These are the true Teddy Boys,
the name is the real giveaway.

However Julian and Sandy were always kept
a bit quiet, even before the big con, they arent
your usual Teddy Boys.

Billy Fury, as youve never seen him before,
the English Teddy answer to Elvis bear.
Seen here its obvious he was a teddy bear,
no question.

Look at this picture and dispel all doubts
this is how real Teddy Boy gangs looked,
not the pale imitations that followed.
These intimidate by a mere glance, and
these were taken before they started
drinking, and bear jiving.

Can you imagine this is not the godfather of
all rock and roll, Teddy Boy supreme
yes, Chuck “cool” Berry.

look at these later imitations below and judge for yourself.

I rest my case, the top ones are incontrovertibly true
pictures showing the real Teddy Boys were,
originally, actually Teddy Bears, whereas these
are obviously doctored digital reproductions.

There was even a group called the Teddy Bears.

Elvis sang I just want to be your teddy bear, not
I just want to be your rock and roll dude.

These coded messages tell the true incredible
story behind the myths, of which even Von Daniken
would be proud,

Teddy Boys were originally Teddy Bears.

http://www.stiffsteiffs.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/teddyboy.htm

About the Author

ex systems programmer, slightly deranged.